Life doesn't always make sense, but I booked an airline ticket to get there anyway.
My mother is having multiple back surgeries in August. Within moments of finding out the date, I checked airline tickets. I waffled in my head, "Should I go or should I not?"
I consulted with my twin sister Tracy. The angst revolved mostly around the fact that I know I can't do anything if I go. I'll be waiting in the waiting room with everyone else. Looking at my schedule, there was a window of opportunity to go. Ticket prices weren't outrageous. My husband was supportive. He even offered to get out of a business trip. It was my choice.
While my sister and sister-in-law decided I should consider coming later "when the work begins," I decided I needed to go. My mom has always been a pessimist. She doesn't talk about her surgery and situation in a hopeful way. It's not a guilt trip either.
Some people are wired to be "glass half empty" folks. My mom is one of them. While being the distant child at 1,450-miles away, I am confident that the procedure is a good choice for my mother. Her physician believes she is a good candidate. My mother's health has deteriorated so much that she really has no other viable options left. She tried everything to prevent surgery. In the end, the alternatives didn't work.
To be honest, in my own care giving experience was that I didn't need people to help in those early hours and days. I needed help later. The same is true for my mom, who will return home following her surgery with the help of my father and any the minimum resources available through Medicare. My sister and brother each have spouses, children and work schedules to manage.
I feel helpless being so far away and not being able to help when they need it. They are building a wheelchair ramp at my parents' home this weekend. While my dad doesn't seem to think it will be that big of a deal following the surgery, I have my doubts. Being a full-time caregiver is a difficult job. I know my sister and sister-in-law will be there on the front lines to help.
So, what do I do? For now, I booked an airline ticket with a cancellation insurance policy - in case the hospital or doctor has to change the date. Then, I'll be there with my family for a week. We'll see what happens and what I need to do after that.